2019: Reflections and Recommendations

Cacti and succulents at Huntington Gardens–one of my favorite days of 2019.

Here are a few of my favorite books, podcasts and even an album that I’ve appreciated this year, along with some general reflections as we close out one year and begin another.

Looking Back…And Ahead

I watch, along with so many of those around me, with deep concern as the world faces ever greater challenges, increasingly aware that our political structures and leaders are not going to be able to adequately address those challenges. I see the profound inequality and injustice across the globe and within my own country and city. I am frightened by the daily updates about climate change–the speed and ferocity of its effects. And so I remind myself, regularly, of the words of Ruth Messinger, former CEO of one of my favorite organizations, the American Jewish World Service. She calls on us to not “retreat into the convenience of being overwhelmed.”

Last year one of my favorite books was Meg Wheatley’s Who Do We Choose to Be? In it, Wheatley introduces the idea of being, in the midst of these exceptionally difficult and potentially irredeemable times, a Warrior for the Human Spirit. If you have not yet read her book or listened to interviews with her, I start my 2019 post with a reminder that her book still sits atop my list and is one I revisit often.

And, even as my faith in the future of the world is often shaken and I notice the urge to retreat, I continue to see and experience examples of people doing work that matters, who are Warriors for the Human Spirit.I have been privileged and honored this year to work with clients who are, among other things, enabling East African youth to create meaningful work, bringing traditional beekeeping methods to rural Chinese farmers to create sustainable livelihoods and a healthier world, and producing soap products with ingredients that each have a story behind them that inspires and moves.

I am sure that the coming year, too, will continue to test our resolve. The urge to retreat will be great and the need to resist it even greater. Find the ways that you, too, can be a Warrior for the Human Spirit through your actions–be they direct or in support of those doing work that you admire. I urge you to get involved, not stay on the sidelines. The upcoming year will require that of all of us!

My Learning Focus: Embodiment, Embodiment, Embodiment

Last January I began studying at the Strozzi Institute for Embodied Leadership, completing (yet another!) coach training program. You can read about my experiences at Strozzi here. Rather than learning with my head, at Strozzi I learned to learn with my whole being. It was not easy–and I am even more convinced that working with embodiment is one of the most powerful access points for navigating the increasing complexity we are facing, enabling us to become more present, engaged and alive. I hope to continue to share what I learn as I continue this journey and am excited to be bringing more and more of this into my work.

Books I Loved 

Some years I have a favorite book that I can’t stop talking about. This was one of those years. I’ve given copies of Jennifer Garvey Berger’s Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps: How to Thrive in Complexity to my kids and clients–and urged just about everyone I know to read it. Jennifer has written a short, engaging and highly accessible book. She describes five mindtraps that can get in the way of our ability to be effective leaders (in all aspects of our lives) and ways to “unlock” them–through powerful questions and simple practices. Jennifer is steeped in knowledge about adult development and complexity and demonstrates, in this book, her ability to synthesize complex content and research in a way that can be easily understood and immediately useful.

This year I read and re-read Pema Chodron’s Living Beautifully With Uncertainty and Change. Reading Pema Chodron is one of the things that keeps me sane and hopeful even as she, too, is unflinching in her view of reality. This is also a short book full of the wisdom that Pema has acquired in her 80+ years on the planet. It’s kind of a “greatest hits” and yet goes deep. If you are new to Pema’s writing, this is a good place to begin. If you’re a regular reader but have missed this one, it’s worth it.

A book that has accompanied me this year, and become part of my regular meditation practice is The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have by the poet Mark Nepo. Nepo’s reflections, generally less than a page, including a reflection practice, are perfect as a way to center before I turn on a timer.  It’s almost always as if Nepo read my mind and offered me just what I needed that day. Nepo’s book is about 20 years old. A newer edition is soon to be published and the current edition is available used. It’s a gem.

Podcasts and Audio Resources

I believe that podcasts are one of the greatest inventions of the century. I walk and listen for many hours a week and feel better-informed and happier as a result (and get lots of steps, too.) I’m still an avid listener of the New York Times The Daily–it’s my main source of in-depth coverage of topical issues. In addition, I’ve discovered Throughline and Codeswitch, both NPR podcasts. The first is a history podcast, often digging into the aspects of history that we should know but don’t. Codeswitch deals with race and identify and has definitely helped me to gain greater insight and perspective on topics I do not know enough about. The New York Times’ series 1619 was one of the best things I heard this year, so if you missed it, take the time to listen–I was shocked at how much history we never learned.

I was introduced to Hurry Slowly this year and have, in turn, introduced friends and clients to it as well. It includes some of the most thoughtful and helpful conversations I’ve heard this year. Jocelyn Glei, who interviews people I’m almost always glad to learn about and learn from, also shares her own reflections–and I enjoy those as well. In her words: “Hurry Slowly is a podcast about how you can be more productive, creative, and resilient through the simple act of slowing down.” Start anywhere–there are several seasons to draw on.

My guilty pleasure is Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin? in which we get to listen in on couples therapy session and hear her commentary along the way. It’s a fascinating window into people. She just started a new podcast How’s Work? that applies the same methodology to work issues. I’ve only listened to one episode and enjoyed it. I can pretend there’s a professional value in listening, but I’m not totally sure.

Tara Brach’s website, which includes access to her guided meditations, is an incredible gift. I’ve never used a meditation app, so I can’t make any comparisons. Tara’s teachings and meditations work well for me and she is my go-to when I know that my level of distraction means that just putting on a timer may not be the wisest way to meditate. It’s especially helpful when I travel and don’t have the comfort of my regular space. What I especially like is that I can find a meditation that is exactly the length I need as there are so many choices.

The last recommendation in the “listening” category is an album that my husband and I (whose tastes are not always aligned) can’t stop listening to–Lana Del Rey’s “Norman F**ing Rockwell.” Here’s a song from it. I cook with it, walk with it, drink coffee to it, and read to it–and still am not tired of it. I’m not exactly sure what genre she occupies–it’s hard to pin down–pop, indie–not sure.

And with that–wishing you a good end of the year and beginning of the new one. Happy reading, listening and learning!

Learning from Head to Toe: Embodying Leadership

Photo: Petaluma, 2019

I arrived home last Monday morning from eight days at the Strozzi Institute for Embodied Leadership in Petaluma, California after completing the first two parts of a year-long program in Somatic Coaching. “What’s that?” is likely to be the question in your head right now. This post is all about providing a clear and meaningful response to that question—and, in doing so, share why I’m doing this work, why I think it is important—and hopefully interest you enough to continue to read more as I chronicle my journey!

If you’ve read my most recent posts (especially here and here,) you will have noticed an emphasis on paying attention to and working with small practices that are “embodied.” These practices require that we use our whole self, from head to toe, to effect the changes we desire in our lives and our leadership.  We learn to embody what we most want to be and become.

The “head to toe” part of this has become more and more important to me in my own life and in my work with leaders. I am increasingly convinced that one of the main reasons that change doesn’t stick, or feels hard, is that we typically try to do the work only in our heads. Many of my clients begin a coaching engagement telling me they are self-aware, which is often true. And yet, it’s not enough. They are likely to be seeking coaching because that self-awareness isn’t resulting in them fully showing up in ways that will best serve them as leaders–especially leaders who must navigate increasing levels of complexity.

Some of us might go a step further: “I get that I need to practice and that being aware is not enough.” So, we practice adopting new mindsets, new thoughts, new coaching or conversational strategies. And we are still not getting the results we seek.

Here’s where the “head to toe” part comes in. Our ways of being exist in our “somas”—a word that describes our mind and body as ONE. We have patterned or conditioned responses that live in our bodies that we adopted, in many cases, when we were quite young. These patterns were created in response to the conditions of our lives—and they served us well. In the words of one of my teachers, they were “hard-earned.” For the most part, these patterns and responses are invisible until we pay attention in new ways. When we try to shift our minds and ignore the patterns in our bodies, turns out it’s really hard. And, our bodies are probably not going to come along for the ride unless we consciously bring them along. Our patterns are strongly rooted and powerful enough to hold us back from the changes our minds want to make. So, even as our heads desire change, our bodies continue to operate in the ways they have organized themselves until now. Our bodies remain committed to our conditioned ways of being.

Let me share an example. A simple one.

Because you’re self-aware, you’ve realized that it is hard for you to say no. You take on too much, delegate too little, and end up overwhelmed and overloaded. So, you commit to saying no more. Once in a while you do, but not much changes. It’s still really hard. If you were working from head to toe, you’d spend time noticing that your whole body is “in on” this challenge. You recognize that this is a pattern that goes WAY back, so it’s pretty firmly within you. When you slow down and pay attention closely, you might notice that you have very specific sensations and ways of holding yourself when requests are made of you—all of which are oriented towards being uneasy with a “no” and conspire towards a “yes.” [Note: This is just one example. Perhaps you struggle more with whole-hearted “yesses” or with being able to ask for help.]

So, your brain is struggling to say “no,” unaware that the your body is perfectly organized to say “yes” and be fearful of the “no.” With further investigation, you can get granular about the way “yes” operates in your body, better understand how THAT shape supported you in your life. You can begin to explore and practice a new shape (literally—a new physical way of being and responding) that better supports your ability to choose your “yesses” and “nos.” Maybe you need to move back, breathe downwards, “ground” yourself. You practice that movement again and again (and again and again) and, over time, you notice that this new shape is beginning to become available to you even as the stakes get higher and the situations more pressured. It’s simple but not easy. A whole lot of repetitions are required to be able to access this new shape in high stakes, high pressured situations—so you also practice being a little more patient with yourself in the learning process. You are literally rewiring your nervous system.

My intention in studying somatic coaching—and specifically the system developed by Richard Strozzi Heckler–is two-fold. I want to become more skillful in supporting my clients in making the changes they most want to make to become the leaders they most want to be. The tools I’m learning are some of the most effective I’ve encountered to help translate self-awareness into consistent new behaviors. Just as importantly, I am studying for my own sake—so that I am able to do the same. I am learning to return to center more easily when I am feeling pressures—internal and external. I am learning to expand into the possibilities I see for myself—while allowing space for the people I are most about to do the same. That balance has always been one of my challenges and somatic work has been revelatory for me. Thus, my excitement about sharing it with others.

This is just the start of my journey. My plan is to write throughout the year and share some of what I’m learning. My teacher, Doug Silsbee, wrote not long before he died that “teaching is learning in public.” That phrase has stuck with me as it so well describes what I am doing when I write. These pieces are most definitely an act of “learning in public.” I hope you find value in them. (The next in the series can be found here.)

Slow Down, Do Less, Observe More: A Leadership Journey

My exercise routine in the mid-nineties involved getting up before my kids and working out to fitness videos in our basement. During a year when my job was joyless, I spent my downtime (there was quite a bit!) exploring a website with reviews of fitness videos–planning my next morning. Over time I accumulated a significant video collection and kept raising the bar on intensity and impact–adding props so I could include the then-very-popular step aerobics. While I started weaving in some high-intensity yoga, (yes, that’s the kind of yoga that I was drawn to) aerobics were the heart of my practice. That approach to exercise ended with (surprise!) one bad landing from a too-high step and a painful knee injury. Suddenly, I was looking for low-impact videos, spending more time with yoga videos (and starting to actually hear what the teachers were saying,) re-calibrating my practice.

Alas, this was not enough for my injured knee. Sitting on airplanes and going down stairs was excruciating. A bent knee would hurt after just a few minutes. I remembered that my mom, who was struggling with chronic pain, had found some relief with the Feldenkrais method. Created by Moshe Feldenkrais, an Israeli engineer and physicist, it is described as “an educational system that uses movement to teach self-awareness and improve function.” I found a practitioner who had been trained by Feldenkrais himself and worked with her–in hands-on sessions and using cassette tapes (MP3s are now available!) for well over a year.

It’s difficult to describe the Feldenkrais method. It was subtle, slow and radically different from anything I’d done before. The hands-on work was light, easy and never, ever painful. Feldenkrais challenged the notion of “no pain, no gain” and suggested that we learn best when we are at ease. Eileen never even touched my knee. She seemed to hover over it and gently work with other parts of my body. The tapes were a revelation, too. The instruction often went like this: “Turn to your right, now do 50% of that, now do 50% of that.” The message was to do less, not more. To do it slowly. And to observe your movements. I didn’t know at the time that Feldenkrais was describing the property of neuroplasticity before anyone else I knew was using this language. I also didn’t know that, when I lay on the floor doing extraordinarily boring tapes with the subtlest of movements, I was practicing mindfulness. I did know that my knee pain was diminishing dramatically and that I was able to move with greater ease and comfort.

As I was exploring movement in this new way, my career was advancing. I’d long ago left that joyless job, moved to California, and was assuming increasing levels of responsibility in a training and development organization. I was pursuing a masters degree that required late night and early morning hours. Working full-time, raising kids, doing a graduate degree, fitting in exercise–it was taking a toll.There was never enough time and I always felt that I should be doing more.

One day, just as I was finishing up the graduate program, I got a call from the school letting me know that I was was going to be named as the outstanding student in my graduating class. As the call ended, while a small part of me felt honored, my dominant emotion was frustration–with myself. It was time to apply the lessons of Feldenkrais to my life. I had poured myself into my classes, spent far more time than I really needed to (or had)–because I didn’t know how to do less and could not recognize when less was more than enough. I was paying too high a price for being all-in, all the time.

As I began to think more about it, I also realized that doing more was not only making my life harder, it was getting in my way as a leader. I wasn’t giving others the space to bring themselves fully to their work. I began to notice when I was doing too much of the thinking and the planning and not allowing others to step into the challenges that would help them grow. I needed to learn to step back, to make room for others.

This was a turning point for me as a leader. I began to experiment (though I wouldn’t have used that word at the time) with slowing down, doing less and observing more in my work. Most of the time other people stepped in–and sometimes they didn’t. I experimented with different ways of responding when they didn’t–short of taking over. Thanks to Feldenkrais, I knew what it felt like in my body to slow down. I was able, with practice, to translate that to work settings and, in the process, becoming a better leader. And, remarkably, one with more time for both work and home.

I realize now that Eileen, my Feldenkrais practitioner, was also my first leadership coach. The shifts I made when working with her were essential to the shifts I made in my leadership practices. Since then I’ve developed a regular yoga and meditation practice, and learned many in-the-moment centering practices that have, collectively,  further enabled me to embody the idea of “slow down, do less and observe more.” To a degree I couldn’t have imagined, this has become who I am. I can still move too fast, step in too quickly, speak too much. And, I do these things a lot less frequently–catching myself a whole lot sooner. I am better able to recognize when I am not present and find my way back to presence.

Almost every leader I work with struggles with the challenge of too little time and too much to do. Many of my clients complain about poor time management skills, hoping that there are ways to organize their work–productivity hacks–to make them more efficient. Without exception, at some point each of these leaders recognizes that it’s not about managing time better, it’s about thinking differently about how we “be” as leaders so that what we “do” begins to shift.

This kind of shift requires more than training our brains–it requires training our entire being, including our bodies. We can experiment with different practices, large and small. A regular yoga or meditation practice or a bodywork practice like Feldenkrais can have a dramatic impact. Just as important and easier to embed in your day are “micro-practices.” Taking a breath before you speak, five breaths before meetings, short centering practices several times a day–simple, quick, regular. What my teacher, Doug Silsbee, called “experiential neuroplasticity.” The key is to find something that works for you, and through practice and repetition, turn it into a habit. And then get curious about what shifts in the way that you respond. Does it allow you to slow down? to do less? to observe more?

Shifting in this way can feel challenging–even scary. Letting go of how we define ourselves–through our doing–and allowing ourselves to be shaped more by how we “be” is not so easy. It’s likely we’ll be pulled back (over and over again) to the comfort of doing more. Paradoxically, in fast-paced, increasingly complex environments that make more and more demands on us, learning to “be” a leader is the only sure fire way I know to thrive–to take care of ourselves and serve the people around us.