Creating Good Days

Have a good day vector illustration. Chalkboard decorative banner.

In recent months, I’ve been blogging for Actionable Conversations and continuing to write book summaries for Actionable Books. Instead of writing something new for this site, I’ll just tell you a little bit about my most recent posts–and share them with you.

I’m also thrilled to let you know that, in addition to writing for Actionable, I’ve recently become an Actionable Consultant. This allows me to bring a new offer to my clients (and would-be clients) that is a truly innovative way to develop leaders and increase the quality of learning at work. You can learn more about what Actionable offers here–and if you’re interested in learning more–I’d love to talk with you! I’m a huge fan of what Actionable does and hope you will be too!

Now, to my posts:

One of the most exciting books I’ve recently read is How to Have a Good Day by Caroline Webb. The book is an encyclopedia of research that gives us insights into how to make each day better for ourselves and the people around us–especially if we are leaders. I share the bigger idea that really struck me while reading the book here, in my blog post. In short (though I hope you read the whole post)–I argue that having good days, consciously, is possibly the most important thing you can to do create a good, meaningful life.

While I have your attention, here’s a link to the other post I wrote recently, about promises, commitments and accountability. I dig into the work of Fernando Flores and explore the power of promises and requests–and the way we frame them–in this post.

And, if you like these, and want more, take a look at my post, A Medley of Resources, which links to more of my posts for Actionable.

Happy reading!

 

A Medley of Resources

For the past few months I’ve been writing posts for Actionable—the same organization that also creates wonderful (and numerous) book summaries—including twenty or so that I’ve authored. While my original intention was to write posts both here and for Actionable—those posts have ended up being my focus. It’s been wonderful to have an editor and a schedule! So, this post is a placeholder whose purpose is to point you in the direction of the these resources.

Here’s my post about complexity. It expands on what I’ve shared on these pages. Working with complexity is a requirement in a world of VUCA (volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity.)

And here’s a post that explored polarity management. This is the tool in my toolkit that I find most meaningful these days (and is another way to manage complexity.)

My post about the distinction between assessments (opinions) and assertions (facts) was written on November 10. I really appreciated having an editor with the wisdom to notch it down a bit and still keep it relevant to the unique moment we are in.

Finally, here’s my latest post–one of the most personal and simultaneously most practical I’ve written. It explores the topic of listening–a skill that is at the very core of what effective leaders do. I share a practice that is now becoming a habit for me—which I call “the pause.”

And, here are links to the summaries I’ve written for Actionable Books in the last couple of years. They are listed in the order that they appeared. Kegan’s An Everyone Culture and Laloux’s Reinventing Organizations are particularly provocative. Haber’s Business of Good is inspiring. Duhigg’s new book on productivity and Halvorson’s book on biases continue to shed light on how we can be more effective in our day-to-day lives.

 

Becoming a Thinking (and Listening) Partner

Two people communicating by telepathy. Digital illustration.

The quality of your attention determines the quality of other people’s thinking.  Nancy Kline

Five years ago, as an adjunct to my coach training, I participated in a virtual course on Executive Coaching. At the end of that course, several of us decided to keep learning together and organized a book club. After a few months, the group ended up at a steady four–myself and three other women. We’ve met every two months since then, each time focusing on a different book. Through those book discussions we explored new ways of thinking about our work, our purpose, and about how people learn, grow and develop.

A few months ago, we decided that it was time to take our virtual conversations to a new level and to gather in person. One of the books we had read was “Time to Think” by Nancy Kline. Since we all were particularly struck by Kline’s book, we did a little research and found out that we could organize a workshop for just the four of us. So, last weekend, Sara Hart, who has worked closely with Kline for decades, led us in learning about and practicing the Time to Think process.

The heart of coaching, I’ve long believed, is listening. Listening intently and with full presence. This weekend, using the Time to Think process, I felt the power of listening in new ways. And, I experienced what happened to me when someone just listened.

Over the three days together we learned to conduct a very structured Thinking Partners conversation. In it, you simply ask a person what they want to think about–and what their thoughts are. Then you listen. And listen. And listen some more. Finally, when your partner has said all that they have to say, you ask whether there’s more that they are thinking or feeling. And you listen, and listen, and listen some more. And, when they’ve completed that–you ask again. And you ask until everything has been said or thought. Typically, somewhere along the line, the “thinker” has begun to think or say things that they haven’t thought before. Sometimes, it takes awhile before the thinking is fresh and new. Especially when we’re talking about topics that have been on our mind and where we’ve been stuck.

Once we think about everything that we can related to our topic, our partner asks us if there’s anything more we want from the conversation. Much of the time the answer will be no, we’ve covered it just by thinking it out on our own. Sometimes, there’s something more. If there is, we work with our partner in a process of uncovering assumptions that might be getting in our way and result in our being stuck. We worked to replace those with different, “liberating,” assumptions and see how that can help us to get unstuck. This last part is a little trickier–and I don’t recommend doing it at home without at least reading more (the book describes the process.)

What I took away after three days was the power of listening with absolutely no other agenda than paying full attention to another person. I realized how rare it is to listen without feeling the need to ask a great question, paraphrase brilliantly or reply with an incredibly insightful response. I listened fully and completely–and was listened to in the same way. I knew I wouldn’t be interrupted–and that I wouldn’t interrupt. We were absolutely present to the other person, allowing them time, allowing them silence, respecting their thinking, appreciating them. We maintained comfortable eye contact–demonstrating that nothing was more important to us than what they had to think.

It was an amazing gift. The four of us have now set up ongoing thinking calls that we’re doing on Skype. We’re practicing this new “technology” with one another. We’re also trying to figure out how this fits into the rest of our lives.

Even in just a few days I’ve discovered that I can show up differently with a client. I’m finding I’m much less worried about finding the “right” question, because listening fully is such a gift. And, when I do, the right question makes itself known. Or, sometimes, I listen a little longer, and realize that my client’s thinking has gone in a different direction–one that is even better for them.

I wish each of you the gift of being truly listened to. I encourage you to try out “just” listening and see what you discover. Enjoy!

Update: I’ve expanded on some of what I wrote and added a very powerful and simple practice  in a post for Actionable, called The Power of a Pause. Check it out!